The Cheesiest

I was reminded by a client this past week that therapy skills are inherently cheesy. She’s not wrong, they are - really cheesy. And they work. The good news is that you don’t need to be cheesy forever, just long enough to create some new brain synapses. Which actually isn’t that long. If you’re committed and disciplined.

None of the therapy skills I use are rocket science. They’re very simple, science based skills with years of empirical evidence. What is actually really difficult for clients is sticking with the cheesy skills until they’ve created change. 

So here’s some hot tips for sticking with the cheesiness so you can create some neat change in your life:

• If you can focus and be disciplined, the skills will kick in within 2 weeks

• Look at using the skills as a science experiment for yourself

• Get over the cheesy factor - the truth is no one knows 

• Use humor - crack yourself up - It makes it more fun

• Look at this as an investment in yourself

• What if it works and you can tap into this magic any time you want?

What skills am I talking about?  Let’s take the ever popular issue of: How you speak to yourself matters. It’s a huge secret - you are unbelievably harsh to yourself - without anyone ever knowing. I’ve even been told that this level of brutality was necessary to stay motivated. Science, however, disagrees. Did you ever see the experiment they did at schools - where they had 2 plants each in their own plexi case - both had a speaker but one said kind things and the other said cruel things. The latter died. Similar to plants, we won’t flourish thinking the most horrible things about ourselves.

Getting out of this particular pattern can seem impossible. It’s likely you’ve been doing it for years and it’s just built in. There is the difficulty and where most people quit - it’s not just doing the new skill a lot - it’s undoing the unhealthy habit at the same time. Undoing habits is hard. These habits are in place for some reason - they helped you feel safe at one point. You’ll be the meanest person to yourself - to make sure the world knows: you know how terrible you are. Don’t do that to yourself.

Because this kind of habit is buried deep, I tell my clients to do the very opposite of how mean they are. Yeah, super cheesy. Instead of, “WTF you’re so stupid!” try, “You’re fucking amazing and you’ve made incredible things happen.” Cheesy, but scientifically effective.

The thing is - our brain takes our words as is. That’s the reality we’re giving it. You are what you’re telling yourself. And no matter how great an external life experience is, you’ll still have this dark bit to contend with.

Try to change your habit for 2 weeks and see where you net out.